Things have been just a little on the stressful side. I feel so, trapped in my own home. Its getting closer and closer to my 18th birthday, and my mum and I have been fighting loads more lately. It's strange, she wasn't acting like this last month, or the month before. But, now next month I'll be 18. It sounds really cheesy, but I've been waiting for this moment all my life. Ever since I hit middle school, I was like "ooh, I can't wait to be in high school". When I was a freshman, I was like "I can't wait to be a senior/18/move out..." etc. And now I am, going to be 18 so soon, it's surreal. On another note, I really hope I graduate. Being a full time college student, sometimes I forget about my high school graduation requirements like the ridiculous culminating project. I call my high school every day, and they never call me back!
Also, Valentines Day...ohh goodness. How did I end up with the girl again? I thought we were over.
And yet, I don't really know what happened. I'm not strong enough to let go. I never thought I'd be that person. Usually, I'm a strong advocate of "if it doesn't work the first time, it won't work the second, or the third, or fourth, or sixth, or hundredth.." But, maybe it wasn't meant to work the first time...Maybe it was meant to work the second time? Who knows, really? Is she even good for me? Is she worth it? I couldn't say. Quite the conundrum.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Brusied
I don't know why I continue being so stupid. I should have listened to people. And now this is what I get. Fucking heartbreak. Right before Valentine's Day. And my birthday. What a wonderful birthday present. You know what, who needs relationships. I'm just going to become a nun.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Shed your love
Sometimes, I wish I was straight. Like, things could so much easier right? I wouldn't have to worry about offending anyone because of my sexual orientation, not that I currently do anyway. The girl I
'm...dating for lack of a better word, isn't even out to anyone. Well, I take that back. I think she is to one person, and me obviously. Even then, she's bi. Now, I'm not an insecure person. I'm not even a jealous person. But she has this way of making me everything, I said I'm not. Like on New Year's Eve when she was at a party...I happened to not be at, she kissed a guy and he ended up in her bed. She flirts with guys right in front of me! It really worries me, that I like her so much, yet she kinda sorta treats me like shit. No sugarcoating it, thats how it goes. Like, she's just here for the ride. Making me doubt myself all the time. She says she doesn't like labels. Labels like "bi", "lesbian", "gay", "straight". "boyfriend", "girlfriend" and yet, thats the only way to commit yourself to each other. Otherwise, she'd be a hook-up. I always have people, girls and boys, message me, or call me. I shut them down. She doesn't. And that worries me. Quite ridiculous really. And you say, let her go. Why put up with that sort of craziness? And in my mind, my voice of reason, says "Yes, let her go. Don't put up with that load of bollocks." And then my heart, overrides that voice of reason and won't let me. There's nothing particularly spectacular about this girl. Just an ordinary college going girl who I happen to fall for.
'm...dating for lack of a better word, isn't even out to anyone. Well, I take that back. I think she is to one person, and me obviously. Even then, she's bi. Now, I'm not an insecure person. I'm not even a jealous person. But she has this way of making me everything, I said I'm not. Like on New Year's Eve when she was at a party...I happened to not be at, she kissed a guy and he ended up in her bed. She flirts with guys right in front of me! It really worries me, that I like her so much, yet she kinda sorta treats me like shit. No sugarcoating it, thats how it goes. Like, she's just here for the ride. Making me doubt myself all the time. She says she doesn't like labels. Labels like "bi", "lesbian", "gay", "straight". "boyfriend", "girlfriend" and yet, thats the only way to commit yourself to each other. Otherwise, she'd be a hook-up. I always have people, girls and boys, message me, or call me. I shut them down. She doesn't. And that worries me. Quite ridiculous really. And you say, let her go. Why put up with that sort of craziness? And in my mind, my voice of reason, says "Yes, let her go. Don't put up with that load of bollocks." And then my heart, overrides that voice of reason and won't let me. There's nothing particularly spectacular about this girl. Just an ordinary college going girl who I happen to fall for.
Late Night TV movie marathons
I have come to the conclusion my sleeping pattern is wildly erratic. Especially with cold season, and me not getting sick usually, I'm up later than usual. All weekend I have procrastinated, doing home instead sleeping to a ripe 3 in the afternoon! And look where it's gotten me...now it's 3 in the morning and I'm wide awake. In efforts to make myself sleepy, I lay on the couch watching TV for about 3 hours. The latter two of which I watched Max Payne. I do enjoy good action movies, and this one was alright. Actually, no in retrospect it was quite awful and horribly cliche. And it all goes back to, the military. There's always some secret agenda there, some hidden products experiments and testing they do on people involved in the military. And countless movies have portrayed the military and its secret government projects as villains. It will be the downfall of society as we know it. And what is with cutting off the ending so that we don't get to find out what happens? As Mark Whalberg kneels on the edge of the roof, full of bullet holes as the SWAT team comes tearing up the stairs..Movies are awful these days, everything has been done and there is absolutely no creativity left. I've yet to see any new movie with a smidgen of originality. And if I'm going to spend about 50 dollars at the movie theaters plus another 10 for gas, I expect the movie to be well worth my while!
Speaking of gas prices, people were all excited when the prices dropped. Has anyone noticed the prices beginning to creep back up again? I sure have, and this summer, all I'll be able to do is drive to work! It's quite ridiculous. Now if the public transportation system in the tri-cities was the least bit efficient I wouldn't mind taking the bus. As it were, it really sucks. And notice all the creepy people who ride the transit. Not to mention the bus comes by only once every hour, and it takes anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get anywhere. Talk about inconvience! In any case, I'm not complaining. I suppose it could be loads worse, we could be one of those third world countries that don't have running water and women can't go to school...
Speaking of gas prices, people were all excited when the prices dropped. Has anyone noticed the prices beginning to creep back up again? I sure have, and this summer, all I'll be able to do is drive to work! It's quite ridiculous. Now if the public transportation system in the tri-cities was the least bit efficient I wouldn't mind taking the bus. As it were, it really sucks. And notice all the creepy people who ride the transit. Not to mention the bus comes by only once every hour, and it takes anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get anywhere. Talk about inconvience! In any case, I'm not complaining. I suppose it could be loads worse, we could be one of those third world countries that don't have running water and women can't go to school...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Oversized lollipops
Through out my years, I have realized many things. Everyone has their shares of hardships they have to go through. I know I've had my fair share of mishaps. I had to grow up very fast in a very small amount of time. I don't even have the complete high school experience most get to have. But, I also have crossed paths with many unsavory people. I have come to realize ultimately you can trust no one no matter how good of friends you may think you are at the time. Think of these people who screw you over and stab you in the back as sandpaper and you as a piece of wood. In the end, you'll come away from the experience smooth and polished, and the sandpaper? That will just be worn and ugly, thrown away. You'll be a better person in the long run, and you'll learn not to be so giving and trusting with your friendship.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Big Booty Hoes
I decided not to judge people who have random one night stands. I mean, who is anyone to really judge you based on how many sexual partners you've had? I used to be a, I guess what anyone would call a "goody-goody". After moving, and experiencing life a little out of the shell of my home, I have to come to realize many things. I don't judge people who do drugs. UNLESS, they're just really dumb ones, like meth. But, that's a whole new blog innit? Anywhoo, big booty hoes, I don't understand why music nowadays uses terms like that. What is up with that crazyness?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
this is what she she said...
i'm so fed up with people!!!
Seriously, get the fuck over yourself. The world doesnt revolve around you.
*gasp* shocker!!!!!
Stop acting so damn childish... that's all i gotta say. You know who you are.
anyways, got that outta my system. here's a survey.
1)Have you ever taken a shower with another person?
yes.
2)Who ended your last relationship?
I'm in one right now. And i ended my last one.
3)What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
TV
4)Have you ever been in love?
No.
5)Where is your mom at?
In the living room watching the news.
6)8th text in your inbox?
dunno. my phone's not with me.
7)Something you are excited about?
getting my puppy. woot woot.
8)Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
nope but that would be pretty hawt. lol.
9)Do you regret your past relationships?
yeah.
10) What are you doing tonight?
chill.
11)What is the last thing you said aloud?
want some (grapes)?
12)What was the last thing you had to drink?
coke
13)What are you doing tomorrow?
running some errands. then just chilling.
14)Where is your dad?
asleep in his room.
15)Last girl you talked on the phone with?
my mom
16)Last guy you talked on the phone with?
brian
17)How many states have you lived in?
1
18)Do you love anyone?
my family.
19)How are you feeling at the moment?
tired but content.
20)Have you ever kissed anyone named Dick?
hahaha. no thanx.
21)How would you describe your best friend in one word?
awesome.
22)Where was your default picture taken?
silverwood. the dorkiest pic of me, but i luv it cuz it's with my boy toy. woot woot.
<3
23)Last person you rode in a car with over the age of 20?
my mum. we were shopping last night.
24)Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
more than friends =)
25)Who was the last person you drove with?
brian
26)Where’s your favorite place to be?
at home with my family.
27)Name something that made you laugh today?
some dumb girl who needs to grow up.
28)Would you ever kiss the last person you kissed again?
hecks to the yeah. fucking rip his pants off, too. LOL. i'm kidding i'm kidding.
29)If you could move somewhere else, where would you be?
right this moment, i wanna live in spokane.
30)Ever been kissed under fireworks?
yep. gotta love the extra sparks.
heh!
31)Do you believe ex's can be friends?
sure, if your ex isnt a fucking asshole, go for it.
32)Do you prefer to call or text?
text. i dont have time to chat for too long on the phone, but i can find time to text in between stuff.
33)Who was the last person you took a picture of?
brian and natalie and breanna and garrette, and stephanie. and jordan. lol. it was a group pic.
34)Was yesterday better than today?
yessss! omg, rafting is so much fun.
35)Can you live a day without TV?
fuck yeah. i can live a year without tv.
36)What are you listening to?
the news and viet music.
37) What is your ringtone?
a really cute jingle and it vibrates too. i wonder where my phone is right now... hmmm.
38)Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
relationships are worth it if the other person is worhwhile. same concept applies to friendships.
for example, i'm not gonna let some dumb bitch try to guilt-trip me when i have enough shit to deal with. i'm there for you when u feel like shit, the one thing u can do is get the fuck off my back if u cant try to help me out and return the favor.
39)Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
a few weeks ago up in spokane.
40) Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football
41) Coke or Pepsi?
coke.
42) Beer or Liquor?
whatever. i'm not too picky.
no 151 though, NASTY #%(U%!!!!!!!!!!
43) Who is your favorite myspace friend?
your mom.
44) What is your favorite holiday?
christmas. cuz it's in winter, it's a friendly holiday, there's presents involved, and i love santa. lol. plus, no school. haha.
45) Do you go to college?
yep.
46) Are you currently wearing shoes?
no
47) Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex?
no. omg thank god.
48) What is your favorite sport to play?
badmitton. haha.
49) To watch?
dunno. depends.
50) Do you have a job?
yep. ghetto job, but it pays the bills. LOL.
51) Do you have a gf/bf?
sure do.
52) If not, do you have a crush?
.................
53) Does your crush like you back?
yessir.
55) McCain or Obama?
dont care. they can do whatever they want.
56) What's you favorite food?s
asian food.
57) What are you afraid of?
right now? cry babies.
58) If you could have anybody in the world, who would it be?
um...lol.
59) If you have a bf/gf how long has your relationship been?
it's gonna be 4 months next thursday.
60) Do you like feet?
eh. it serves its purpose.
61) Ever seen the movie "61* "?
nope.
is it any good?
yes, this is her retarded little survey. and she's being ridiculous.
So, i'm not talking to her.
Seriously, get the fuck over yourself. The world doesnt revolve around you.
*gasp* shocker!!!!!
Stop acting so damn childish... that's all i gotta say. You know who you are.
anyways, got that outta my system. here's a survey.
1)Have you ever taken a shower with another person?
yes.
2)Who ended your last relationship?
I'm in one right now. And i ended my last one.
3)What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
TV
4)Have you ever been in love?
No.
5)Where is your mom at?
In the living room watching the news.
6)8th text in your inbox?
dunno. my phone's not with me.
7)Something you are excited about?
getting my puppy. woot woot.
8)Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
nope but that would be pretty hawt. lol.
9)Do you regret your past relationships?
yeah.
10) What are you doing tonight?
chill.
11)What is the last thing you said aloud?
want some (grapes)?
12)What was the last thing you had to drink?
coke
13)What are you doing tomorrow?
running some errands. then just chilling.
14)Where is your dad?
asleep in his room.
15)Last girl you talked on the phone with?
my mom
16)Last guy you talked on the phone with?
brian
17)How many states have you lived in?
1
18)Do you love anyone?
my family.
19)How are you feeling at the moment?
tired but content.
20)Have you ever kissed anyone named Dick?
hahaha. no thanx.
21)How would you describe your best friend in one word?
awesome.
22)Where was your default picture taken?
silverwood. the dorkiest pic of me, but i luv it cuz it's with my boy toy. woot woot.
<3
23)Last person you rode in a car with over the age of 20?
my mum. we were shopping last night.
24)Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
more than friends =)
25)Who was the last person you drove with?
brian
26)Where’s your favorite place to be?
at home with my family.
27)Name something that made you laugh today?
some dumb girl who needs to grow up.
28)Would you ever kiss the last person you kissed again?
hecks to the yeah. fucking rip his pants off, too. LOL. i'm kidding i'm kidding.
29)If you could move somewhere else, where would you be?
right this moment, i wanna live in spokane.
30)Ever been kissed under fireworks?
yep. gotta love the extra sparks.
heh!
31)Do you believe ex's can be friends?
sure, if your ex isnt a fucking asshole, go for it.
32)Do you prefer to call or text?
text. i dont have time to chat for too long on the phone, but i can find time to text in between stuff.
33)Who was the last person you took a picture of?
brian and natalie and breanna and garrette, and stephanie. and jordan. lol. it was a group pic.
34)Was yesterday better than today?
yessss! omg, rafting is so much fun.
35)Can you live a day without TV?
fuck yeah. i can live a year without tv.
36)What are you listening to?
the news and viet music.
37) What is your ringtone?
a really cute jingle and it vibrates too. i wonder where my phone is right now... hmmm.
38)Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
relationships are worth it if the other person is worhwhile. same concept applies to friendships.
for example, i'm not gonna let some dumb bitch try to guilt-trip me when i have enough shit to deal with. i'm there for you when u feel like shit, the one thing u can do is get the fuck off my back if u cant try to help me out and return the favor.
39)Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
a few weeks ago up in spokane.
40) Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football
41) Coke or Pepsi?
coke.
42) Beer or Liquor?
whatever. i'm not too picky.
no 151 though, NASTY #%(U%!!!!!!!!!!
43) Who is your favorite myspace friend?
your mom.
44) What is your favorite holiday?
christmas. cuz it's in winter, it's a friendly holiday, there's presents involved, and i love santa. lol. plus, no school. haha.
45) Do you go to college?
yep.
46) Are you currently wearing shoes?
no
47) Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex?
no. omg thank god.
48) What is your favorite sport to play?
badmitton. haha.
49) To watch?
dunno. depends.
50) Do you have a job?
yep. ghetto job, but it pays the bills. LOL.
51) Do you have a gf/bf?
sure do.
52) If not, do you have a crush?
.................
53) Does your crush like you back?
yessir.
55) McCain or Obama?
dont care. they can do whatever they want.
56) What's you favorite food?s
asian food.
57) What are you afraid of?
right now? cry babies.
58) If you could have anybody in the world, who would it be?
um...lol.
59) If you have a bf/gf how long has your relationship been?
it's gonna be 4 months next thursday.
60) Do you like feet?
eh. it serves its purpose.
61) Ever seen the movie "61* "?
nope.
is it any good?
yes, this is her retarded little survey. and she's being ridiculous.
So, i'm not talking to her.
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